Groton Needs a New Car - by Alan Hoch

The following was composed by resident Alan Hoch during Monday night's Fall Town Meeting to sum up presentations in support of the Lost Lake Sewer:

Groton Needs a New Car

Groton needs a new car. So off we go to the dealer to check out the inventory.

Groton: Hi, I need a new car. How much will it cost?

Dealer: I'm not sure, but it won't cost less than $13 million bucks.

Groton: Hmm, OK- what's it get for mileage?

Dealer: Well, we did some tests 25 years ago and the numbers were very favorable back then.

Groton: What about safety- how safe is it?

Dealer: Our testing says the car will prevent 40% of injuries expected from a head-on crash.

Groton: Oh dear- what about the other 60%?

Dealer: Well, we're not sure about the other 60% but we have high confidence in the 40% number.

Groton: Excellent. One last question.

Dealer: Yes?

Groton: Let me get this straight- you can't tell me what this car will cost, your mileage figures are 25 years old, and you can't tell me about the 60% of injuries the safety system won't prevent- how on earth do you stay in business?

The dealer's eyes light up and he says: "That's easy- we're funded by the taxpayers!